You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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