my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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