I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
