Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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