You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
