Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
