allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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