I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
