Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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