it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
