Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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