No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?