I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.