oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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