i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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