so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.