fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE