just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
