I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
