Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
