She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
