it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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