Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize