didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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