Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
