Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
