You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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