dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
