I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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