Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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