I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
