Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
