yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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