since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
