Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
