my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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