My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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