So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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