how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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