last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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