you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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