I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
