i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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