Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
