I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
