Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
