I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
