he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
