he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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