OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize