I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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