"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
