I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
