I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
