There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
