it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
