brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
