If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
