At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
