we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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