I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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