it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
