She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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