I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
