apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
