Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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