I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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