Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
