I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This toilet bowl is my home.
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