How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
