Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
