Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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