so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
