Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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