This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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