Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
