bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
