Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
