dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize