He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize