how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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