He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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