I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
