If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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