Jerry, you need to find god
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
